Ant-Man: The Filler Before Civil War

Grade: A/A-

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Paul Rudd be rocking the eyebrow slits, eh?

Critics (for the last time guys, I am NOT a critic) have been calling this movie refreshingly simple… or something. Now let me tell you something, this movie is certainly the most basic Marvel recipe I have ever seen in my life yes it’s pretty simple dammit I have to agree with the critics.

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Now, if you guys still don’t know Marvel’s recipe for success, I’ll tell you it now. You take a hot white guy with a twisted sense of humor and shove him in a ridiculous / badass looking costume, take exactly ONE lead female character (no more, no less, and she has to be white… and she’ll probably become the love interest), one POC sidekick (or, in this movie’s case, a few), sometimes an old mentor / nice guy (usually a science-y person), a boring villain that’ll (SPOILERS) probably last one movie before he dies, and Marvel characters from previous movies.

ET VOILA. Recipe for success.

Success

In Ant-Man’s case, hot white man Paul Rudd plays Scott Lang, a criminal and the lesser incarnation of Ant-Man. He has an old mentor, Hank Pym, aka the more important incarnation of Ant-Man who actually created the suit and did all the research and is infinitely more impressive than Scott Lang. Together, Hank and Scott create Tony Stark, with Hank’s genius and Scott’s wit.

Hank Pym has a daughter, Hope Van Dyne, a villain in the books but apparently not yet in the movies. SIDE NOTE: I JUST REALIZED SHE TOOK HER MOTHER’S LAST NAME HELL YEAH! Okay anyways, I’m sure all you comic book lovers are wondering where the hell Janet Van Dyne (aka Wasp) is. Well she’s dead, effectively stopping the movie from having (gasp) two lead females. In addition, Scott Lang has some prison buddies, aka the people of color sidekicks (I think there might be one white sidekick but I’m not sure), who help him with heists and stuff. And then there’s the villain who’s just a super flat guy who of course gets defeated. I’m sorry for the spoiler.

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Now all this sarcasm may make it sound like I didn’t like the movie. Oh no, I did enjoy the movie (okay that sounded sarcastic too but I actually did). It was simple, granted, but it’s true that it was relatively refreshing. Everyone misses that nice old origin story and everyone likes seeing their favorite characters reappearing in the movies. Now generally it’s difficult to combine these two, but Ant-Man does a fantastic job of doing so.

The movie was funny, cute, and badass all at the same time. While it didn’t really make me think a lot, it was still exciting and fulfilling: let’s just say it was a really surprisingly nice filler before Marvel’s next main event (you know what it is… it’s my title). And even though the movie was on a much smaller scale (lol I’m so funny), it still was a big hit. Okay you know what I’m done. I’m just going to wrap this review up right now.

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ONE MORE THING THOUGH. We know that the most important parts of the movie are always the mid credits and the post credits scenes. Now I don’t want to spoil, so I’ll make it super vague. I can’t exactly explain the mid credits scene without super mega ultra spoilers, but the post credits scene is from right smack in the middle of Civil War. Chris Evans looks hotter than ever.

AND NOW A BEAUTIFUL TRANSITION TO CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR. The official official teams are finally out (sorry I might’ve been a bit wrong in my previous post). According to the official posters it looks like Black Panther is joining Tony’s team, Agent 13 (aka Sharon Carter) is joining Steve’s team, Falcon has a buddy in the air on Steve’s team, and Scarlet Witch is nowhere to be found so go figure.

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Also a really, really bad quality teaser of Civil War was leaked a couple of days ago. You literally don’t understand how bad it was unless you’ve seen it. It’s probably been removed from the internet as of now (there’s literally no point but ok), but needless to say it looks like it has a lot of characters. Not what you were expecting me to say, huh? Yeah I’m skeptical about this movie. But that’s a post for another time.

So yeah that was some review. Sorry about that; the reviews become more messed when I get stressed. And I’m stressed for school. THE TEEN LIFE, MAN.

See ya when I start school next week 🙂

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The Weekly Suggestion #5

I haven’t done this in ages! As usual. Let’s begin.

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Movie: The Dark Knight Trilogy. I have been mostly or slightly biased towards Marvel until I watched this trilogy. Now I love DC and Marvel equally. The movie was dark, action-packed, and overall fulfilling to the max. I just don’t understand why they decided to recast Batman. Especially with Ben Affleck! Of all people! Also DC’s record of who is in the main DC Cinematic Universe is (dare I say it) way more complicated than Marvel’s. None of the TV shows are in the Cinematic Universe (apparently they have a universe of their own), and The Dark Knight Trilogy isn’t either, so DC has to recast the Flash and Batman… and possibly Oliver Queen at some future time. Sounds fun.

TV Show: Orange is the New Black. I’ve only gotten through something like the first seven episodes, but I can already tell you that this show has the most diverse group of characters I’ve ever seen (in a live-action show, because The Legend of Korra does a fantastic job as well), featuring different races (I’d like to see more Asian people), sexualities, genders, religions, etc. If only Piper would admit that she’s bisexual.

Book: All the Light We Cannot See. As per usual, Grace has only gotten through the first 50 or so pages of this book. Nevertheless, I can already tell you that this book is gorgeously written. It’s a story set in WWII and told through the eyes of two children (I mean, at the end they’re young adults). It may sound like the Book Thief but they’re pretty much nothing alike.

Song: Mr. Brightside. A 2000s-but-definitely-already classic song. I’ve gotten obsessed with it recently. It’s definitely worth your time to listen to it about 1000000 times on repeat. Like I have. Because I’ve been indoors for 72 hours straight doing nothing.

So next week I’m off to China to visit the fam. If you’ve never been to China, then you’re probably jealous of me. If you’ve been to China then you probably feel sorry for me. I’d be excited except I have this horrible cold so I’m not particularly excited for this trip. Anyways, I won’t be blogging next week but I’ll see you the week after!

Bye y’all!

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Civil War: PICK A SIDE

NOTE: this post was written by a person who hasn’t seen Ant-Man yet so I swear to god if you people know some Civil War stuff because of the movie you better not say it and save us Ant-Man deprived humans from spoilers.

If you aren’t a hard core Marvel fan or maybe just internet deprived then you might not have heard the news: CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR TEAMS ARE OUT!

And now for you guys who are actually REALLY Internet and nerd culture deprived. Captain America: Civil War is a movie that’s coming out in 2016, where Captain America and Iron Man acquire teams and battle it out against each other because of some stuff relating to superhero registration (Iron Man is pro-registration, Cap is anti-registration). It’s basically the opposite of Batman v Superman. Cuz Batman v Superman is bringing the Justice League together whereas Civil War is tearing the Avengers apart.

For months people have been speculating the teams of Civil War. Well, at least I have. But the movie gods have answered our prayers, and thus begins Marvel’s torturous teasing of Civil War.

I WILL NOW REVIEW THE TEAMS and you can decide for yourself whose team you want to be on. Be warned: there is one double agent (and I’ll write my speculations about who this person is)

TEAM CAPTAIN AMERICA

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Captain America (duh): the first Avenger, all around super nice guy. Also Chris Evans. Also really hot. But that’s not a deciding factor right. Right?

Hawkeye: He gained lots love after Age of Ultron. Who doesn’t love a guy who has a really adorable family? He’ll be sure to join Cap’s side with his family’s wishes. Just think about that.

Falcon: How shocking! Cap’s sidekick (and current Cap in the comics) is on his side! Falcon’s pretty badass and while most of the people on this team fight on the ground, it’ll be fun watching Falcon take on essentially everyone from Team Iron Man in the air.

Scarlet Witch: After what Hawkeye did for her, I’m not surprised she’s on this team. Being one of the most powerful Avengers so far, she’ll definitely be a plus to this team.

The Winter Soldier: surprise, surprise. Cap’s best friend is on his side. Well, actually we’ll have to see how his crazy Hydra assassin alter ego gets resolved first.

Ant-Man: I guess reasons why Ant-Man is on Team Cap will become apparent to me after I watch the movie. He’ll definitely be an advantage to Team Cap. He also has a family that he needs to protect, so more righteousness I suppose.

Overall, Cap’s team is strong. However, most of the characters fight on the ground (with the exception of Falcon), which Team Iron Man, which is mainly air-based, can easily exploit. In terms of justification, both Hawkeye and Ant-Man have families they need to protect, so maybe they chose this side because it’s safer for them and for everyone.

TEAM IRON MAN

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Iron Man (duh): Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. What if you remove all that? He’s just a poor guy who’s getting over PTSD and who wants to keep his team together at any cost. He wants to go home and end all the fighting. Maybe he’s really the good guy. Or maybe he’ll do anything to stop the fighting for good.

The Vision: This dude has a flipping INFINITY STONE in his forehead. How can Cap’s team win against him? I mean honestly, if it were Vision vs. everyone else, the Vision would win.

Spider-Man: Well he’s finally in the comic universe! If the movie turns out anything like the comics, (SPOILERS!) Spider-Man will switch sides. We’ll see.

Black Widow: This is my WTF. Why the hell is Black Widow on Tony’s side? After everything that happened in Winter Soldier, I’d think that she would be on Steve’s side. Which is why she’s probably the double agent. She owes a lot of loyalty to Steve, and she also has a lot of familial love with Hawkeye. (Then again, if Bruce is in Civil War, then he’d be on Tony’s side, and then Black Widow would be on Bruce’s side… speculation, man)

War Machine: Like Falcon is to Cap, War Machine is to Tony. Marvel’s desperate reach for diversity by making all the sidekicks black. But not making Spider-Man black like in the comics. Hopefully War Machine will get better “moments” in Civil War.

Overall, Iron Man’s team is essentially, how to put it, FREAKING UNBEATABLE. With the Vision holding an infinity stone, and the combined genius of Iron Man and Spider-Man, along with the amount of aerial attacks they can perform, Team Iron Man is sure to win. Unless, of course, someone on Team Iron Man spills all the secrets to Team Cap. In terms of justification, no one has as big a family as Ant-Man or Hawkeye, so they’re obviously fighting for different reasons.

YOU HAVE THE FACTS (AKA MY OPINIONS). NOW CHOOSE A TEAM!

Kingsman: The Secret-ish Service

Grade: A-

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‘Ello mates I am late to the party as usual. Pip pip cheerio. And all that rot.

I am not British.

I do have a British friend though. She forced me to write this post. She thinks that this movie is so fabulously British. She also told me to watch Kingsman instead of rewatching Lord of the Rings, and I STILL WOULDN’T CHOOSE IT OVER REWATCHING LORD OF THE RINGS FYI.

This movie is probably the most stereotypically British thing in the universe. Super thick queen-like accents, swearing, weird action scenes, rude humor, and Colin Firth. Basically, the staples of my life.

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If you’re on tumblr, you’ve probably seen some gifsets and videos of this movie (specifically that one scene with the “fireworks” and yes I’m being super vague because SPOILERS). If you don’t have a tumblr first of all what are you doing with your life, and second of all don’t get one or else you will not have a life.

Kingsman tells the story of a secret agent spies (*wink*) organization that is composed entirely of British people. Anyways they go around the world and prevent shit from happening. This certainly explains the number of terrorist attacks going on in the world today.

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Anyways, during a mission a while ago, a man from Kingsman dies (oh no). His son is named Eggsy (#namegoals). When Eggsy gets old enough he’s a hooligan criminal type boy, and then Colin Firth from Kingsman bails him out of jail and sends him to an initiation process for the secret service where people sort of can die.

When Eggsy is being initiated, Samuel L Jackson is plotting to destroy the world with a lady whose legs are swords.

It’s basically as stupid as it sounds.

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Fortunately, this movie does an excellent job making stupid funny. I mean, we’ve all seen those movies where stupid is just stupid (cough Adam Sandler movies), but this movie had some moments that were simply just so gloriously stupid they were hilarious. And it’s not the it’s-so-bad-it’s-good type of movie. It’s just good.

Wow it looks like I’m just trying to meet the word count. (Which I am)

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Anyways you have to watch the movie to understand.

I didn’t really take anything away from this movie at all, so if you’re looking for some deep thoughts from Grace you have come to the wrong place today.

CIAO!

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Jurassic World: Less is More

Grade: A-/B+

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Alongside the 5000000 different movie franchises that are rebooting, Jurassic World is now pulling off a Star Wars and making a 20-year-later sequel! Which contains none of the original cast other than the old dinosaur, Rexy the T-Rex. And the internet knows that Rexy is the most important character after Dr. Ian Malcolm.

Hello T-Rex my old friend, you’ve come to rule the world again.

Riding along the wave of Jurassic Park’s 3D release, and with new geeks and old geeks alike having had their souls awakened, Jurassic World broke an incredible amount of box office records.

Young and old nerds alike entered the theater excitedly, only to be inevitably crushed by how bad it was compared to Jurassic Park.

I mean, for God’s sake, they even mention in the film itself that THE OLD MOVIE WAS BETTER! Or, they say that the “old theme park was the real deal” and that it “didn’t need genetically modified dinosaurs to draw in visitors” or something along those lines. Basically, in my mind, that translates to “the old movie was the real deal. It didn’t need genetically modified dinosaurs (and Chris Pratt) to draw in box office revenue.”

Jurassic World tells the story of… well, Jurassic World, which is built on the same island as Jurassic Park. With, yes, two kids again. This time they’re both boys (they’re brothers), following the grand tradition of getting rid of sexism! One of the boys, Gray, is in middle school and a complete nerd. The other boy, Zach, is in high school, has a girlfriend but still hits on every girl he sees, and is super mean to his brother, yet he still has some slightly redeeming heroic moments that suddenly propel him to EPIC BROTHER STANDARDS.

These two boys go to Jurassic World, which is run by their heartless aunt, Claire, who only cares about money. To boost sales, she creates (or rather she forces other people to create) a dinosaur called Indominus Rex, possibly the stupidest name ever (which the movie admits). Indominus Rex is a genetically modified dinosaur, but its genetic makeup is classified, which is never dangerous. Indominus Rex is kept alone in a teeny cage until it ultimately escapes and starts heading towards all the people in the main base of the island. Oh no.

Oh yes, and there’s also this guy named Owen (aka Chris Pratt aka the only reason why you need to go see this movie) who trains velociraptors. And when Indominus Rex escapes, Owen takes these velociraptors to destroy the Indominus.

Yes, it is as stupid as it sounds.

Other than being a rather stupid concept, I have some other problems pertaining to the science of the movie. Despite the fact that scientists have known for several years that dinosaurs indeed have feathers (velociraptors especially having a set of particularly glorious ones), the movie still refuses to don any dino with feathers. I mean, it would look kind of stupid, BUT THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FEATHERS.

In addition, the “scary” parts don’t work that well, especially in comparison to Jurassic Park (I mean, in the first movie I was huddled up in my seat in fear).

And of course (SPOILERS), as in every movie, there has to be a super climactic final fight scene. Unfortunately, the one in Jurassic World was (how to put it?) INCREDIBLY STUPID.

Nevertheless, as long as you don’t think too hard about the movie, the action scenes are still satisfying (especially if they contain Chris Pratt). You’ll leave the theater wanting to visit Jurassic World, even if there is a chance that you’ll be attacked by a dinosaur.

The movie also has some great tie-ins with Jurassic Park. I mean, other than building Jurassic World on the same island of Jurassic Park (come to think of it that’s basically jinxing the park right there), there are some moments where your inner nerd will leap with delight because throwback.

Alright bye now 🙂

P.S. I’m off to camp again next week! Huzzahs! If I don’t have WiFi there then I’ll have to post from my phone so I apologize for the disgusting formatting in advance… if that happens.

P.P.S. Sorry for the lack of gifs EVERYTHING IS GLITCHING!

Reviewing This Movie Inside and Out

Grade: A+

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Critics (may I remind you, I am a critique-er) have been calling Inside Out Pixar’s most original ideas in years… Which… Complete BS. Because Brave exists. What’s more original than turning your family members into bears? Exactly. Nothing.

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Nah I’m just being sarcastic. Brave was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. IF I HAD THE CHAAAYNNNCE TO CHAAYYYNNGE MAI PAAAAST I would erase that movie from existence.

The movie is written and directed by Pete Docter, the soulless entity notorious for making grown ups cry harder than children. And by that I mean he directed Up. If you take a trip down memory lane and think about how that 8 minute montage in the beginning of Up affected you, and then multiply those feels by that by 5, you should be prepared for how many feels you will feel while watching a movie about feelings having feelings.

Haha that sentence was so fun to write.

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Anyways! About the movie. This review will be split into two parts: before you watch the movie and after you watch the movie. The part for after the movie obviously contains spoilers.

FOR BEFORE YOU WATCH THE MOVIE:

The movie surrounds a girl named Riley – more specifically, Riley’s feelings. They are Joy, Sadness, Disgust, Anger, and Fear. Anger is literally my spirit animal. I mean he’s literally so adorable and angry and I WANT A STUFFED VERSION OF HIM RIGHT NOW.

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These five emotions conduct the “headquarters” of Riley’s brain. The headquarters receive all the day’s memories and then sends them to longterm memory. The headquarters also contains Riley’s core memories, which each contribute to a part of Riley’s personality: the core memories create these things called “personality islands.” The core memories are all happy memories because Joy is a control freak.

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Anyways, yeah, Joy is pretty much the boss of Riley’s brain and she controls everything. That is, until Riley moves and then sadness screws everything up by making – god forbid – a sad core memory, which Joy, being her dictator self, tries to get rid of. Consequently, Joy and Sadness and all the core memories get sucked into longterm memory. Joy and Sadness MUST RETURN TO HEADQUARTERS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. They go through many parts of Riley’s brain: imagination land, abstract thought, dream creation, fears, etc.

Meanwhile, Disgust, Anger, and Fear completely fail to make Riley the happy girl she once was, resulting in Riley’s loss of personality and her eventual depression and apathy.

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The movie is funny, tear-jerking, and (like every other good Pixar movie) surprisingly complex. Although yeah, of course the movie has to hand out cheesy lessons like “cooperation is key!” or “not one person can do everything alone!”

Also take it from me: the movie has some scenes that are so funny and some that are so sad that you’ll still laugh or cry when thinking about those scenes days after you’ve watched it. Maybe that’s just me because I’m a super emotional person.

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If you’re looking for realism in this movie (like accurate representations of the brain and stuff), then you’ve definitely come to the wrong place. I mean, we’re talking about the studio that claims that toys are alive and rats can cook gourmet meals. What are you expecting?

FOR AFTER YOU WATCH THE MOVIE ONLY (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED):

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Okay can we just take a minute to talk about Bing Bong. Yeah that furry pink elephant cat dolphin cotton candy thing that literally DESTROYED EVERYONE’S HEART OH MY GOD.

I might be overanalyzing this (yeah I definitely am) but we meet Bing Bong when he’s taking memories away from long term memory. It’s obviously representative of us clinging to our memories, but at the beginning Bing Bong seems like a bad guy who’s harvesting all the memories, almost as if somehow a too long lasting naivety can be parasitic and harmful. And when he dies it’s to save a part of Riley that’s been with her for her entire life (including her innocent childhood) – a part that is key and core, not one that was already fading away. So like… we don’t need that childish part of ourselves? In fact we should get rid of it? I have no idea.

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But HOLY CRAP WAS IT SAD. WAS IT SAD MAN. DID I HAVE AN IMAGINARY FRIEND THAT I FORGOT ABOUT? WILL I FORGET ABOUT MY IMAGINARY FRIEND FOREVER? DID MY IMAGINARY FRIEND FALL INTO AN ABYSS OF NOTHINGNESS AND THEN FADE INTO THE WIND LIKE ASHES AND

*falls to knees in despair*

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WHAT OTHER THINGS HAVE I LOST? WHAT OTHER MEMORIES? Okay I’m cool I’m cool (I will actually never be cool after that)

Okay moving on from Bing Bong (ha what a joke), in the end of the movie (no not that boy at the end) Riley has a new set of core memories: more of them, and with a combination of the 5 feelings. Her emotional experience has allowed her core memories to shift from the naivety of only being happy ones to being a combination of all feelings. And then her personality flourishes and now she’s able to feel a wider variety of emotions… as well as learning a wider variety of swear words.

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Yeah okay philosophical time. I’ll keep this short because I’m sick of myself. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Okay but in all seriousness it gets better. Your life might not feel as happy as it was when you were younger but it’s so much more interesting, so much more complex, and so much better. I’m basically quoting Doctor Who right here because I’m not very original.

K BYE!

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P.S. the short at the beginning is so terrible I cannot even express how bad it is.

P.P.S. MORE SPOILERS. Things to think about to forget about Bing Bong! The stupid song that always gets stuck in your head memory! The Canadian imaginary dream boy who would “do anything to save Riley”! The boy in the end whose brain went crazy over meeting Riley (because too accurate)! PSYCH you’re never getting over Bing Bong. *cries in corner*

Looking Forward… Again

Hey guys! I’m finally home from golf camp! I’ve lost about half my brain cells and consequently… I stopped writing this post for 2 hours and I forgot what I was going to say.

Anyways, now that I’m back home, I have two weeks to do whatever I want. Until I get shipped off again. Meaning that I have about 5 movies to watch and 2 TV shows to watch and also that I have to do summer homework in record time. It’s a hard knock life for us.

So basically, because I have so much to do, all I’ve done so far is lie in bed rewatching YouTube videos. And thus, again, I have nothing to review.

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(Never fear: coming up soon are reviews for Inside Out and Jurassic World)

Okay well, it’s July 5th. The day after July 4th. The day of the world cup final (let’s not think about England kthx). It also happens to be 3 days after the middle of the year.

Yeaaahhh…

Let’s not think about the amount of time we’ve wasted and instead look to the future!

(There is none.)

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Since it’s halfway through the year, it’s also halfway to awards season! Kind of. I mean the Oscars happen on February 28th so not really. But we’ll ignore that.

Currently, I haven’t seen any movies that could be nominated for Best Picture in the Oscars. I have a funny feeling Inside Out will win Best Animated Feature Film (despite hearing from countless people that the movie actually sucked… oh well. I’ll see on Tuesday).

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Anyhow, when I wasn’t looking, 3 new seemingly Oscar-Worthy Film Trailers were released. I shall now kind of review them!

1) Steve Jobs

Yes, finally, we might be getting a halfway decent movie about Steve Jobs. The movie industry tends to favor the lone white genius man (see: The Imitation Game, The Theory of Everything, A Beautiful Mind). Hopefully this movie will shed light onto the complex figure that Steve Jobs actually is (not that I know much about him) instead of the glorified god that everyone makes him out to be. Okay he’s still a god.

2) Mr. Holmes

Another movie about Sherlock Holmes. This time, starring Ian McKellen (wouldn’t it be interesting if they cast a POC or a woman as Sherlock? After all, Sherlock is actually a girl’s name). This story seems to have a bit of a twist on the original Sherlock Holmes: he’s retired, trying to fix his last case… WITHOUT WATSON! I think it’ll probably also be nominated for Best Costume Design but we’ll have to see.

3) The Stanford Prison Experiment

Yes, for those of you who don’t know, this is a true story. You can read all about it on this Wikipedia article here. It’s pretty horrifying and inhumane, which is basically just Oscar baiting material. It looks like some of the acting in the movie could probably result in at least an Oscar nomination (*cough* Ezra Miller)

Alright, well we’ll have to see until next year to know if my predictions were right! Also apologies again for not having a legit review. THERE WILL BE ONE NEXT WEEK!

See ya!