Ant-Man: The Filler Before Civil War

Grade: A/A-

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Paul Rudd be rocking the eyebrow slits, eh?

Critics (for the last time guys, I am NOT a critic) have been calling this movie refreshingly simple… or something. Now let me tell you something, this movie is certainly the most basic Marvel recipe I have ever seen in my life yes it’s pretty simple dammit I have to agree with the critics.

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Now, if you guys still don’t know Marvel’s recipe for success, I’ll tell you it now. You take a hot white guy with a twisted sense of humor and shove him in a ridiculous / badass looking costume, take exactly ONE lead female character (no more, no less, and she has to be white… and she’ll probably become the love interest), one POC sidekick (or, in this movie’s case, a few), sometimes an old mentor / nice guy (usually a science-y person), a boring villain that’ll (SPOILERS) probably last one movie before he dies, and Marvel characters from previous movies.

ET VOILA. Recipe for success.

Success

In Ant-Man’s case, hot white man Paul Rudd plays Scott Lang, a criminal and the lesser incarnation of Ant-Man. He has an old mentor, Hank Pym, aka the more important incarnation of Ant-Man who actually created the suit and did all the research and is infinitely more impressive than Scott Lang. Together, Hank and Scott create Tony Stark, with Hank’s genius and Scott’s wit.

Hank Pym has a daughter, Hope Van Dyne, a villain in the books but apparently not yet in the movies. SIDE NOTE: I JUST REALIZED SHE TOOK HER MOTHER’S LAST NAME HELL YEAH! Okay anyways, I’m sure all you comic book lovers are wondering where the hell Janet Van Dyne (aka Wasp) is. Well she’s dead, effectively stopping the movie from having (gasp) two lead females. In addition, Scott Lang has some prison buddies, aka the people of color sidekicks (I think there might be one white sidekick but I’m not sure), who help him with heists and stuff. And then there’s the villain who’s just a super flat guy who of course gets defeated. I’m sorry for the spoiler.

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Now all this sarcasm may make it sound like I didn’t like the movie. Oh no, I did enjoy the movie (okay that sounded sarcastic too but I actually did). It was simple, granted, but it’s true that it was relatively refreshing. Everyone misses that nice old origin story and everyone likes seeing their favorite characters reappearing in the movies. Now generally it’s difficult to combine these two, but Ant-Man does a fantastic job of doing so.

The movie was funny, cute, and badass all at the same time. While it didn’t really make me think a lot, it was still exciting and fulfilling: let’s just say it was a really surprisingly nice filler before Marvel’s next main event (you know what it is… it’s my title). And even though the movie was on a much smaller scale (lol I’m so funny), it still was a big hit. Okay you know what I’m done. I’m just going to wrap this review up right now.

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ONE MORE THING THOUGH. We know that the most important parts of the movie are always the mid credits and the post credits scenes. Now I don’t want to spoil, so I’ll make it super vague. I can’t exactly explain the mid credits scene without super mega ultra spoilers, but the post credits scene is from right smack in the middle of Civil War. Chris Evans looks hotter than ever.

AND NOW A BEAUTIFUL TRANSITION TO CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR. The official official teams are finally out (sorry I might’ve been a bit wrong in my previous post). According to the official posters it looks like Black Panther is joining Tony’s team, Agent 13 (aka Sharon Carter) is joining Steve’s team, Falcon has a buddy in the air on Steve’s team, and Scarlet Witch is nowhere to be found so go figure.

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Also a really, really bad quality teaser of Civil War was leaked a couple of days ago. You literally don’t understand how bad it was unless you’ve seen it. It’s probably been removed from the internet as of now (there’s literally no point but ok), but needless to say it looks like it has a lot of characters. Not what you were expecting me to say, huh? Yeah I’m skeptical about this movie. But that’s a post for another time.

So yeah that was some review. Sorry about that; the reviews become more messed when I get stressed. And I’m stressed for school. THE TEEN LIFE, MAN.

See ya when I start school next week 🙂

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Civil War: PICK A SIDE

NOTE: this post was written by a person who hasn’t seen Ant-Man yet so I swear to god if you people know some Civil War stuff because of the movie you better not say it and save us Ant-Man deprived humans from spoilers.

If you aren’t a hard core Marvel fan or maybe just internet deprived then you might not have heard the news: CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR TEAMS ARE OUT!

And now for you guys who are actually REALLY Internet and nerd culture deprived. Captain America: Civil War is a movie that’s coming out in 2016, where Captain America and Iron Man acquire teams and battle it out against each other because of some stuff relating to superhero registration (Iron Man is pro-registration, Cap is anti-registration). It’s basically the opposite of Batman v Superman. Cuz Batman v Superman is bringing the Justice League together whereas Civil War is tearing the Avengers apart.

For months people have been speculating the teams of Civil War. Well, at least I have. But the movie gods have answered our prayers, and thus begins Marvel’s torturous teasing of Civil War.

I WILL NOW REVIEW THE TEAMS and you can decide for yourself whose team you want to be on. Be warned: there is one double agent (and I’ll write my speculations about who this person is)

TEAM CAPTAIN AMERICA

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Captain America (duh): the first Avenger, all around super nice guy. Also Chris Evans. Also really hot. But that’s not a deciding factor right. Right?

Hawkeye: He gained lots love after Age of Ultron. Who doesn’t love a guy who has a really adorable family? He’ll be sure to join Cap’s side with his family’s wishes. Just think about that.

Falcon: How shocking! Cap’s sidekick (and current Cap in the comics) is on his side! Falcon’s pretty badass and while most of the people on this team fight on the ground, it’ll be fun watching Falcon take on essentially everyone from Team Iron Man in the air.

Scarlet Witch: After what Hawkeye did for her, I’m not surprised she’s on this team. Being one of the most powerful Avengers so far, she’ll definitely be a plus to this team.

The Winter Soldier: surprise, surprise. Cap’s best friend is on his side. Well, actually we’ll have to see how his crazy Hydra assassin alter ego gets resolved first.

Ant-Man: I guess reasons why Ant-Man is on Team Cap will become apparent to me after I watch the movie. He’ll definitely be an advantage to Team Cap. He also has a family that he needs to protect, so more righteousness I suppose.

Overall, Cap’s team is strong. However, most of the characters fight on the ground (with the exception of Falcon), which Team Iron Man, which is mainly air-based, can easily exploit. In terms of justification, both Hawkeye and Ant-Man have families they need to protect, so maybe they chose this side because it’s safer for them and for everyone.

TEAM IRON MAN

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Iron Man (duh): Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. What if you remove all that? He’s just a poor guy who’s getting over PTSD and who wants to keep his team together at any cost. He wants to go home and end all the fighting. Maybe he’s really the good guy. Or maybe he’ll do anything to stop the fighting for good.

The Vision: This dude has a flipping INFINITY STONE in his forehead. How can Cap’s team win against him? I mean honestly, if it were Vision vs. everyone else, the Vision would win.

Spider-Man: Well he’s finally in the comic universe! If the movie turns out anything like the comics, (SPOILERS!) Spider-Man will switch sides. We’ll see.

Black Widow: This is my WTF. Why the hell is Black Widow on Tony’s side? After everything that happened in Winter Soldier, I’d think that she would be on Steve’s side. Which is why she’s probably the double agent. She owes a lot of loyalty to Steve, and she also has a lot of familial love with Hawkeye. (Then again, if Bruce is in Civil War, then he’d be on Tony’s side, and then Black Widow would be on Bruce’s side… speculation, man)

War Machine: Like Falcon is to Cap, War Machine is to Tony. Marvel’s desperate reach for diversity by making all the sidekicks black. But not making Spider-Man black like in the comics. Hopefully War Machine will get better “moments” in Civil War.

Overall, Iron Man’s team is essentially, how to put it, FREAKING UNBEATABLE. With the Vision holding an infinity stone, and the combined genius of Iron Man and Spider-Man, along with the amount of aerial attacks they can perform, Team Iron Man is sure to win. Unless, of course, someone on Team Iron Man spills all the secrets to Team Cap. In terms of justification, no one has as big a family as Ant-Man or Hawkeye, so they’re obviously fighting for different reasons.

YOU HAVE THE FACTS (AKA MY OPINIONS). NOW CHOOSE A TEAM!