Ant-Man: The Filler Before Civil War

Grade: A/A-

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Paul Rudd be rocking the eyebrow slits, eh?

Critics (for the last time guys, I am NOT a critic) have been calling this movie refreshingly simple… or something. Now let me tell you something, this movie is certainly the most basic Marvel recipe I have ever seen in my life yes it’s pretty simple dammit I have to agree with the critics.

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Now, if you guys still don’t know Marvel’s recipe for success, I’ll tell you it now. You take a hot white guy with a twisted sense of humor and shove him in a ridiculous / badass looking costume, take exactly ONE lead female character (no more, no less, and she has to be white… and she’ll probably become the love interest), one POC sidekick (or, in this movie’s case, a few), sometimes an old mentor / nice guy (usually a science-y person), a boring villain that’ll (SPOILERS) probably last one movie before he dies, and Marvel characters from previous movies.

ET VOILA. Recipe for success.

Success

In Ant-Man’s case, hot white man Paul Rudd plays Scott Lang, a criminal and the lesser incarnation of Ant-Man. He has an old mentor, Hank Pym, aka the more important incarnation of Ant-Man who actually created the suit and did all the research and is infinitely more impressive than Scott Lang. Together, Hank and Scott create Tony Stark, with Hank’s genius and Scott’s wit.

Hank Pym has a daughter, Hope Van Dyne, a villain in the books but apparently not yet in the movies. SIDE NOTE: I JUST REALIZED SHE TOOK HER MOTHER’S LAST NAME HELL YEAH! Okay anyways, I’m sure all you comic book lovers are wondering where the hell Janet Van Dyne (aka Wasp) is. Well she’s dead, effectively stopping the movie from having (gasp) two lead females. In addition, Scott Lang has some prison buddies, aka the people of color sidekicks (I think there might be one white sidekick but I’m not sure), who help him with heists and stuff. And then there’s the villain who’s just a super flat guy who of course gets defeated. I’m sorry for the spoiler.

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Now all this sarcasm may make it sound like I didn’t like the movie. Oh no, I did enjoy the movie (okay that sounded sarcastic too but I actually did). It was simple, granted, but it’s true that it was relatively refreshing. Everyone misses that nice old origin story and everyone likes seeing their favorite characters reappearing in the movies. Now generally it’s difficult to combine these two, but Ant-Man does a fantastic job of doing so.

The movie was funny, cute, and badass all at the same time. While it didn’t really make me think a lot, it was still exciting and fulfilling: let’s just say it was a really surprisingly nice filler before Marvel’s next main event (you know what it is… it’s my title). And even though the movie was on a much smaller scale (lol I’m so funny), it still was a big hit. Okay you know what I’m done. I’m just going to wrap this review up right now.

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ONE MORE THING THOUGH. We know that the most important parts of the movie are always the mid credits and the post credits scenes. Now I don’t want to spoil, so I’ll make it super vague. I can’t exactly explain the mid credits scene without super mega ultra spoilers, but the post credits scene is from right smack in the middle of Civil War. Chris Evans looks hotter than ever.

AND NOW A BEAUTIFUL TRANSITION TO CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR. The official official teams are finally out (sorry I might’ve been a bit wrong in my previous post). According to the official posters it looks like Black Panther is joining Tony’s team, Agent 13 (aka Sharon Carter) is joining Steve’s team, Falcon has a buddy in the air on Steve’s team, and Scarlet Witch is nowhere to be found so go figure.

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Also a really, really bad quality teaser of Civil War was leaked a couple of days ago. You literally don’t understand how bad it was unless you’ve seen it. It’s probably been removed from the internet as of now (there’s literally no point but ok), but needless to say it looks like it has a lot of characters. Not what you were expecting me to say, huh? Yeah I’m skeptical about this movie. But that’s a post for another time.

So yeah that was some review. Sorry about that; the reviews become more messed when I get stressed. And I’m stressed for school. THE TEEN LIFE, MAN.

See ya when I start school next week 🙂

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Why (the Rest of) This Year is Going to be TOTALLY AWESOME

It’s been half a year or something and I still don’t know how to properly capitalize the titles to posts.

Well. Anyways. HI! I’m here procrastinating right now and attempting to watch Star Wars for about the 10th time (I WILL DO IT THIS TIME). And that means that this post will probably make very little sense.

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However, as you can see from the title, the boringness that has been this year’s entertainment is almost over. I mean Supernatural and the Flash did sustain me somewhat. Also the attempt to catch up on Game of Thrones before season 5 started (I failed miserably). And yeah, yeah we’ve had Cinderella I guess. And Insurgent. And Kingsman I suppose. But none of that even compares to the total epicness that will be the next 2/3rds of 2015.

And now, I present to you: A HIGHLY BIASED LIST OF THE TOP 10 THINGS THAT ARE GOING TO HAPPEN (or are currently happening), which should probably be retitled as THE TOP 10 THINGS THAT I’M MOST EXCITED ABOUT FOR THE REST OF THIS YEAR.

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10) Jurassic World – This is basically on my list only because I needed a #10. The special effects look kind of bad. Other stuff that could’ve replaced this movie include: Inside Out, Terminator Genisys, Pitch Perfect 2, Tomorrowland, and Pan.

9) Game of Thrones Season 5 – Okay I’ll explain: this is only #9 because it’s already happening. And if you’re a real fan, you’re probably already watching it. If you’re a fake fan like me you’ll still be stuck on season 3 (whoops).

8) Doctor Who Season 9 – I’m not actually sure if you should be excited about this or not. If it’s any bit as bad as the last season you might have to pull an Oedipus and gouge your eyes out. DON’T MARRY YOUR MOTHER THOUGH.

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7) Paper Towns – I really liked the book, but I’m kind of skeptical about the movie because how on earth is the movie going to capture the thoughts running through Q’s head all the time. Also John Green doesn’t seem as excited for it as he did for TFIOS. But still – I’m pumped.

6) Ant-Man – Well after Marvel trolled us for about half a year we finally got a semi-decent trailer. And, to be honest, it looks okay. It seems like a very light-hearted and funny film… which means that Age of Ultron is going to break our souls and Ant-Man is going to try to heal us (but that’ll never work).

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5) Fantastic Four – As if we needed another non-canon Marvel film. But anyways, REBOOTS FOR THE WIN! And apparently these guys needed it because their original movie sucked. Also please stop freaking about the fact that the Human Torch is black because I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE ISSUE HERE.

4) Mockingjay Part 2 – I may have forgotten about this movie but let me tell you I am ready. I am so ready for the trailer. Give me a trailer. Or a teaser. Or even just a poster. JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING.

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3) Star Wars: Episode VII – After 30 years of waiting since the first trilogy for the old characters to return, 10 years of waiting since the second trilogy for Star Wars to Return, and one close plane crash of Han Solo who really should be adept with aircrafts at this point (too soon? nah he’s alive), the years of waiting have come to an end. For all you Star Warsians (what do the fans name themselves?) out there, if the trailer made me freak out then I can’t imagine how excited you guys must be.

2) Sherlock Christmas Special – After 2 long years of dedicated waiting (Star Wars fans ain’t got nothing against us), the time has finally come for us to break tumblr again. If you’re new to this fandom, you may not know that we broke tumblr in 2013. Well, we did. And there’s more of us now. So…

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1) Avengers: Age of Ultron – If you’ve stuck around with me since I’ve had this blog, you probably predicted that this was #1. To which I say HEY I’M NOT THAT PREDICTABLE. But anyways, get yourselves ready because by the looks of all 100 trailers and all 100 infuriating teaser clips, this movie’s going to be AWESOME! Also heartbreaking. Very heartbreaking. TOO HEARTBREAKING 😦

NOW GO FORTH AND MARK YOUR CALENDARS!

Ant-Man… And Black Widow Doesn’t Get Her Own Movie

Yep. It’s another Marvel movie. In fact, the last Marvel movie that comes out before the epicness that is Marvel phase 3 (if you don’t know what that is, it’s a plethora of movies Marvel is releasing… you should definitely google it).

As you guys probably know, Marvel released an “ant-sized” teaser. Normal humans might think “ant-sized” means a short teaser, but as Marvel is a complete troll (literally making its fans wait until after the credits to see Howard the Duck), fans should be on the lookout.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t, so I was not expecting this:

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You see that tiny, tiny speck in the middle.

Yes my friends.

That was the teaser.

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However, either Marvel finally got its wits back or else some other hacker managed to release the teaser, but finally a “human sized” trailer got out (as shown above). And, as you can see, there’s literally still nothing to be seen. In fact, the actual teaser is coming out in two days, so there’s really no point to this teaser at all.

At this point Marvel has been teasing us continuously about Avengers: Age of Ultron, so I suppose that with the plethora of teasers for Avengers, the excitement ran out for that.

Nice try Marvel, but I don’t really care about Ant-Man. Give me a Black Widow movie.

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