Civil War: PICK A SIDE

NOTE: this post was written by a person who hasn’t seen Ant-Man yet so I swear to god if you people know some Civil War stuff because of the movie you better not say it and save us Ant-Man deprived humans from spoilers.

If you aren’t a hard core Marvel fan or maybe just internet deprived then you might not have heard the news: CAPTAIN AMERICA CIVIL WAR TEAMS ARE OUT!

And now for you guys who are actually REALLY Internet and nerd culture deprived. Captain America: Civil War is a movie that’s coming out in 2016, where Captain America and Iron Man acquire teams and battle it out against each other because of some stuff relating to superhero registration (Iron Man is pro-registration, Cap is anti-registration). It’s basically the opposite of Batman v Superman. Cuz Batman v Superman is bringing the Justice League together whereas Civil War is tearing the Avengers apart.

For months people have been speculating the teams of Civil War. Well, at least I have. But the movie gods have answered our prayers, and thus begins Marvel’s torturous teasing of Civil War.

I WILL NOW REVIEW THE TEAMS and you can decide for yourself whose team you want to be on. Be warned: there is one double agent (and I’ll write my speculations about who this person is)

TEAM CAPTAIN AMERICA

static1.squarespace

Captain America (duh): the first Avenger, all around super nice guy. Also Chris Evans. Also really hot. But that’s not a deciding factor right. Right?

Hawkeye: He gained lots love after Age of Ultron. Who doesn’t love a guy who has a really adorable family? He’ll be sure to join Cap’s side with his family’s wishes. Just think about that.

Falcon: How shocking! Cap’s sidekick (and current Cap in the comics) is on his side! Falcon’s pretty badass and while most of the people on this team fight on the ground, it’ll be fun watching Falcon take on essentially everyone from Team Iron Man in the air.

Scarlet Witch: After what Hawkeye did for her, I’m not surprised she’s on this team. Being one of the most powerful Avengers so far, she’ll definitely be a plus to this team.

The Winter Soldier: surprise, surprise. Cap’s best friend is on his side. Well, actually we’ll have to see how his crazy Hydra assassin alter ego gets resolved first.

Ant-Man: I guess reasons why Ant-Man is on Team Cap will become apparent to me after I watch the movie. He’ll definitely be an advantage to Team Cap. He also has a family that he needs to protect, so more righteousness I suppose.

Overall, Cap’s team is strong. However, most of the characters fight on the ground (with the exception of Falcon), which Team Iron Man, which is mainly air-based, can easily exploit. In terms of justification, both Hawkeye and Ant-Man have families they need to protect, so maybe they chose this side because it’s safer for them and for everyone.

TEAM IRON MAN

static1.squarespace-1

Iron Man (duh): Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist. What if you remove all that? He’s just a poor guy who’s getting over PTSD and who wants to keep his team together at any cost. He wants to go home and end all the fighting. Maybe he’s really the good guy. Or maybe he’ll do anything to stop the fighting for good.

The Vision: This dude has a flipping INFINITY STONE in his forehead. How can Cap’s team win against him? I mean honestly, if it were Vision vs. everyone else, the Vision would win.

Spider-Man: Well he’s finally in the comic universe! If the movie turns out anything like the comics, (SPOILERS!) Spider-Man will switch sides. We’ll see.

Black Widow: This is my WTF. Why the hell is Black Widow on Tony’s side? After everything that happened in Winter Soldier, I’d think that she would be on Steve’s side. Which is why she’s probably the double agent. She owes a lot of loyalty to Steve, and she also has a lot of familial love with Hawkeye. (Then again, if Bruce is in Civil War, then he’d be on Tony’s side, and then Black Widow would be on Bruce’s side… speculation, man)

War Machine: Like Falcon is to Cap, War Machine is to Tony. Marvel’s desperate reach for diversity by making all the sidekicks black. But not making Spider-Man black like in the comics. Hopefully War Machine will get better “moments” in Civil War.

Overall, Iron Man’s team is essentially, how to put it, FREAKING UNBEATABLE. With the Vision holding an infinity stone, and the combined genius of Iron Man and Spider-Man, along with the amount of aerial attacks they can perform, Team Iron Man is sure to win. Unless, of course, someone on Team Iron Man spills all the secrets to Team Cap. In terms of justification, no one has as big a family as Ant-Man or Hawkeye, so they’re obviously fighting for different reasons.

YOU HAVE THE FACTS (AKA MY OPINIONS). NOW CHOOSE A TEAM!

Advertisements