Looking Forward… Again

Hey guys! I’m finally home from golf camp! I’ve lost about half my brain cells and consequently… I stopped writing this post for 2 hours and I forgot what I was going to say.

Anyways, now that I’m back home, I have two weeks to do whatever I want. Until I get shipped off again. Meaning that I have about 5 movies to watch and 2 TV shows to watch and also that I have to do summer homework in record time. It’s a hard knock life for us.

So basically, because I have so much to do, all I’ve done so far is lie in bed rewatching YouTube videos. And thus, again, I have nothing to review.

giphy

(Never fear: coming up soon are reviews for Inside Out and Jurassic World)

Okay well, it’s July 5th. The day after July 4th. The day of the world cup final (let’s not think about England kthx). It also happens to be 3 days after the middle of the year.

Yeaaahhh…

Let’s not think about the amount of time we’ve wasted and instead look to the future!

(There is none.)

1bafedde6a73022bf67c83c56429e0d3-future06

Since it’s halfway through the year, it’s also halfway to awards season! Kind of. I mean the Oscars happen on February 28th so not really. But we’ll ignore that.

Currently, I haven’t seen any movies that could be nominated for Best Picture in the Oscars. I have a funny feeling Inside Out will win Best Animated Feature Film (despite hearing from countless people that the movie actually sucked… oh well. I’ll see on Tuesday).

im-not-as-excited..-Favim.com-479919

Anyhow, when I wasn’t looking, 3 new seemingly Oscar-Worthy Film Trailers were released. I shall now kind of review them!

1) Steve Jobs

Yes, finally, we might be getting a halfway decent movie about Steve Jobs. The movie industry tends to favor the lone white genius man (see: The Imitation Game, The Theory of Everything, A Beautiful Mind). Hopefully this movie will shed light onto the complex figure that Steve Jobs actually is (not that I know much about him) instead of the glorified god that everyone makes him out to be. Okay he’s still a god.

2) Mr. Holmes

Another movie about Sherlock Holmes. This time, starring Ian McKellen (wouldn’t it be interesting if they cast a POC or a woman as Sherlock? After all, Sherlock is actually a girl’s name). This story seems to have a bit of a twist on the original Sherlock Holmes: he’s retired, trying to fix his last case… WITHOUT WATSON! I think it’ll probably also be nominated for Best Costume Design but we’ll have to see.

3) The Stanford Prison Experiment

Yes, for those of you who don’t know, this is a true story. You can read all about it on this Wikipedia article here. It’s pretty horrifying and inhumane, which is basically just Oscar baiting material. It looks like some of the acting in the movie could probably result in at least an Oscar nomination (*cough* Ezra Miller)

Alright, well we’ll have to see until next year to know if my predictions were right! Also apologies again for not having a legit review. THERE WILL BE ONE NEXT WEEK!

See ya!

Supergirl: Age of Me

Well, once you’re done watching that monstrosity, let’s discuss. Ok, rather, I rant to you about how terrible I think it is.

tumblr_inline_mln0a3swaT1qz4rgp

(Disclaimer: this is only about the trailer, and I have no idea how the actual show is going to turn out. But whatever.)

So I watched the trailer at 12:00 one night and once it was over I screamed “WHAT?” so loudly that I woke my entire family up. It was so bad. I was fuming. Whatever.

tumblr_m7gjflCmu01rziwwco1_1280

While the trailer has terrible timing, terrible acting, terrible cheesiness, and of course that TERRIBLE joke at the end, the worst part of it is the SEXISM.

Go on and tell me that female superheroes “don’t work.” You wanna know why they don’t work? EXHIBIT A: SUPERGIRL TRAILER. NOBODY WANTS TO WATCH IT.

giphy

First of all, the first 2 minutes and 30 seconds of the trailer make Kara (aka Supergirl) this awkward, lovable, dorky girl with… Wait for it… GLASSES! And of course she’s working for some rich bitchy woman who immediately becomes a “villain.” And yes. It takes 2 WHOLE MINUTES for her to discover her superhero identity power things, which for some reason she has decided to keep dormant for 20-or-so-years.

Honestly, if there wasn’t that terrible CGI-ed beginning I might’ve thought it was some sort of romantic comedy. But it isn’t. It’s show so terrible it might as well be a comedy.

tumblr_m8cfo8Gv5z1ru56yh

And then, when she discovers her MAGICAL powers she drops the glasses and she’s somehow magically beautiful.

And then, THE WORST PART IN THE TRAILER BY FAR.

The bitchy blond boss decides to name the new heroine “Supergirl,” and Kara disagrees, prompting bitchy blond woman to name off a list of things that makes her “awesome,” trying to make herself “superior” to Kara.

star-trek-picard-facepalm-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-1381

LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR: one woman’s successes does not in ANY WAY hinder another woman. In fact, a woman’s successes should pave the way for other women. Despite how innocently this competition problem may be portrayed in the trailer, the fact of the matter is that this is the exact problem that is hindering all people from equality. We all argue about who is better, who has more problems, etc, etc. This, by the way, is totally stupid, and if the media wants to stop spreading the supposed “awesomeness” of nonsensical bitchy fights, then get rid of this fight between two very, very successful women who are both amazing in their own right.

Okay but whatever the fight is that. BUT IN THE END KARA COULDNT EVEN CHANGE HER NAME TO SUPERWOMAN!

Kp4CXNe

Oh yes, then, after telling her would-be-boyfriend about her powers, she spends 50 seconds choosing an outfit.

And then, and then, AND THEN! After she tries to join an operation to save the world (or something along those lines) and she gets snubbed (exact lines: “go back to getting someone’s coffee”), she leaves RIGHT AWAY. And then she promptly starts having a pity fest for herself. Well, that’s what the trailer made it seem like anyways.

tumblr_lyxxvaId2y1r6aoq4o1_500

Jesus Christ Kara just woman up and pull off a Peggy Carter (who btw is forced to get coffee) and fight your way through the patriarchy and make all the world tremble in front of you and maybe, JUST MAYBE, Supergirl will live to see season 2.

And, finally, there are exactly 12 seconds of her ACTUALLY FIGHTING, which has perhaps the worst special effects and weakest punches I have ever seen in my entire life. Did DC waste all their special effects and stunt double resources on the Flash and Arrow or something, because their fight scenes are top of the notch movie-style, whereas Supergirl is kinda sorta stuck with DOCTOR WHO LEVEL SPECIAL EFFECTS.

giphy-1

And, of course, in the end, DC has to remind you that Superman is in fact, SUPERIOR to Supergirl, even providing his BABY blanket as her FREAKING CAPE (which also means that she’s OLDER THAN HIM AND SHOULD BE MORE POWERFUL BUT I GUESS NOT).

I’m going to watch some Agent Carter to cool down. GOOD BYE.

anigif_enhanced-24264-1414855178-24

Paper Towns: You’re Paper, I’m Paper… Paper Paper Paper

In honor of the trailer that spoiled the book for me (seen above), here is a review for Paper Towns (finally, a book review!)

This post is coming to you in three parts. Part 1: a letter to books. Part 2: a confession. Part 3: the actual review.

Wow this is starting to sound suspiciously like a vlogbrothers video.

john-green-s-happy-dance-o

If you’re uninterested in parts 1 and 2 just skip to part 3 🙂

Part 1: a letter to books.

Dear books,

There’s nothing better than you.

Sure it’s fun to binge watch TV shows and stare at the screen mindlessly while laughing your head off at a comedy, or maybe feeling a feeling of epic awesomeness as your favorite character kicks ass.

It’s nice to watch a movie, which is basically a 2 hour compression of a story in the life.

However, a TV show can hardly make you think, especially after 5 hours of staring at the screen and slowly draining your computer battery as you descend into the other world ADMIT IT WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE.

tumblr_m72z9qc91G1r1069oo1_500

A movie often goes too fast for you to enjoy every specific detail or every amazing scene. (However, this does not mean a movie is for people too lazy to read. Movies can be analyzed as thoroughly as books can be. Books can be sped through as fast as movies – trust me when I was younger I only read the second half of the second page. Don’t ask me how it worked.)

But a book. You think. You notice everything (if you read carefully). You imagine. It’s the full experience.

I LOVE YOU BOOKS! NEVER CHANGE!

Part 2: a confession

I think I may have enjoyed Paper Towns more than The Fault in Our Stars.

tumblr_inline_nedzq0sMLH1rk2q68

(Disclaimer: it may be because I just finished Paper Towns and I read TFIOS ages ago. However, other reasons are stated below)

I’ll admit, I’m the kind of person who likes to get fed obvious lessons. I literally absorb ideas like a sponge: honestly, if I hadn’t read Harry Potter when I was younger I have no idea how I would’ve dealt with YA fiction like Twilight. Maybe I would’ve believed that my life goal was to marry a vampire (I sincerely hope not). Who knows.

Anyhow, The Fault in Our Stars didn’t really give me a lesson with too much impact. On the other hand, Paper Towns enforced the idea to, as John and Hank Green put it, “imagine others complexly.”

tumblr_lipj3fLOJA1qzbl7f

You only get the full experience of this idea if you read the book… So read it. I’ll also write my ideas in the review below… I mean if any of you are interested (I would be extremely flattered if you were).

Part 3: the actual review

Quentin Jacobsen, aka Q, is a senior. He has loved Margo Roth Speigelman, a fantastically mysterious girl who also happens to be his neighbor, for all his life. When they were young, they were best friends. However, as time went by, they split apart: Q becomes an unpopular band geek and Margo becomes the queen bee of the school. Aka all my relationships ever.

Jk I’ve never had a relationship. Fooled you there didn’t I? PSYCH!

tumblr_mt143pzgN01shji0no1_500

One night, Margo appears at Quentin’s window and brings him on the adventure of his lifetime. It’s basically every teenager’s daydream: to be shepherded away by the love of your life. Just imagine the Doctor or someone coming through your window and promising you the adventure of your lifetime. Actually I might just scream and punch him so hard he flies back to Gallifrey… He actually might be happy about that.

ANYWAYS

The next day Margo disappears, but she leaves a bunch of clues, a “trail of breadcrumbs,” leading Q on a quest to find Margo: but in his journey he discovers that he’s finding Margo in a different way – the Margo everyone knew wasn’t the “real Margo.” Q’s quest becomes one to both find Margo physically, as well as the real Margo behind her façade… Or rather, the Margo behind his fantasies.

tumblr_m55zl5802K1r00g1wo1_500

The next part is only for people who’ve finished the book. But I mean, at this point, I’m probably the last teenager who hadn’t read Paper Towns.

Each character in the book realizes the danger of not imagining people through a “window” but rather through a “mirror”; simply put, not imagining people as people.

Q’s parents, being therapists, probably realized somehow through their work. Radar realizes when he and Q are playing That Guy Is a Gigolo. Ben, when he begins to date Lacey. Margo, when she goes on her adventure with Q. And of course, Q, through his journey to find Margo.

They all realize the danger of both downgrading other people, but also, as people often forget, the opposite end of the spectrum: creating a “god” out of someone.

Writing this book from first person perspective also enforces the idea of imagining someone else complexly; it’s quite brilliant that John Green chose to write the book from Q’s point of view rather than a third person. Just as Walt Whitman became other people in Leaves of Grass, so does the reader become Q.

tumblr_mzjdtbelUk1r3m40zo6_250

AND NOW PART 3.5: SOME DEEPLY PROFOUND QUOTES FROM PAPER TOWNS THAT EVERYONE SHOULD ABSORB AND LIVE BY:

“What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.”

“A Margo for each of us – and each more mirror than window.”

“Before he was this minor figure in the drama of my life, he was – you know, the central figure in the drama of his own life.”

Extrapolate what you will out of these quotes, and, you know, decide whether you want to live by their lessons or not 🙂

P.S. If you’re STILL hating on Cara Delevigne for being cast as Margo please grab yourself a life from the nearest department store. She’s a lovely person who’s been in acting roles before so would you PLEASE give her a chance. Also, if you’re skeptical because she’s a high class posh model or something, or maybe because you think she’s too perfect and you’re totally jealous, I IMPLORE YOU: take John Green’s lesson into heart. Imagine her complexly.

giphy

AGE OF ULTRON: 2 MONTHS AWAY

content_10858134

I don’t know how many trailers there have been for Age of Ultron.

And frankly I don’t care.

BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS.

I lost the ability to speak for around 10 minutes after watching this trailer due to the fact that I was screaming internally and externally and I was freaking out so much and I’m just TOO EXCITED.

freak-out-gif

A few highlights:

1) Hulk x Natasha is a thing. My OTP has died. Clintasha is over. RIP.

2) Super badass team shots. So many shots of them working together.

3) Perhaps an allusion to Wolverine in that weird contraption that Hawkeye uses?

4) Scarlett Witch hypnotizing (?) Black Widow. That explains all her visions of her past (remember the ballerinas from the previous trailers?). It also explains why Peggy is going to be in Age of Ultron.

5) THE VISION!!!!!!!!!

Okay bye now I’m going to watch
this trailer approximately 10000 more times and freak out a bit more.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-16624-1412788211-11

Age of Ultron Trailer: Nobody Even Knows What’s Happening Anymore

Even though I suggested that Marvel already ran out of ideas for how to market Age of Ultron (hint hint my Ant-Man Trailer review), I was clearly wrong.

Be prepared for the fourth trailer of Age of Ultron, which is shorter than the first trailer, shorter than the trailer with the special look, and shorter than the extended trailer.

Age of Ultron features a completely different view to the movie than the last trailer… haha no.

It features the same song, but remixed differently (and worse). It features the hulk struggling to contain himself. It features more explosions, an equally dark premise, and Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver suffering from loyalty issues.

In addition, this new trailer shows scenes extended from the last original trailer. For example, you finally figure out what happens from this scene:

avengers-age-of-ultron-trailer-is-officially-here18

You also get lovely extended scenes of Hulk vs. Iron Man since we totally want to see the Avengers falling apart further. You also get to see Thor vs. Iron Man. And Captain America: Civil War is about Captain America vs. Iron Man.

Well, when Tony Stark said that he was volatile, self-obsessed, and didn’t play well with others, he wasn’t lying.

tumblr_m1ro922QQY1r9mahe

#StopTony2015

And, of course, you get to see the Avengers being destroyed slowly… again. You thought Hulk falling apart was bad? You thought Captain America’s shield cracking was bad? Be prepared to watch Thor being electrocuted by lightning (which, if you don’t know, he can control).

However, probably most ominously, is Ultron’s line in the trailer:

“I’m going to tear you apart. From the inside.”

Marshall

Ant-Man… And Black Widow Doesn’t Get Her Own Movie

Yep. It’s another Marvel movie. In fact, the last Marvel movie that comes out before the epicness that is Marvel phase 3 (if you don’t know what that is, it’s a plethora of movies Marvel is releasing… you should definitely google it).

As you guys probably know, Marvel released an “ant-sized” teaser. Normal humans might think “ant-sized” means a short teaser, but as Marvel is a complete troll (literally making its fans wait until after the credits to see Howard the Duck), fans should be on the lookout.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t, so I was not expecting this:

Screen Shot 2015-01-04 at 10.33.10 PM

You see that tiny, tiny speck in the middle.

Yes my friends.

That was the teaser.

tumblr_nhn01zFJyA1sza8ieo1_500

However, either Marvel finally got its wits back or else some other hacker managed to release the teaser, but finally a “human sized” trailer got out (as shown above). And, as you can see, there’s literally still nothing to be seen. In fact, the actual teaser is coming out in two days, so there’s really no point to this teaser at all.

At this point Marvel has been teasing us continuously about Avengers: Age of Ultron, so I suppose that with the plethora of teasers for Avengers, the excitement ran out for that.

Nice try Marvel, but I don’t really care about Ant-Man. Give me a Black Widow movie.

black-widow-movie

Inside Out: Look Into My Mind… And See the Amount I Don’t Care

You’ve probably already seen the US trailer, which was just a montage of all the old Pixar movies (basically a huge sob fest for all you Disney / Pixar fans that have grown up).

And now, prepare to be bamboozled, wowed, and shocked by the studio that created Mulan, Brave, and Frozen, who in the 21st century will release a film dripping with so much sexism that you’ll be transported right back to the 20s.

Just from the trailer alone, the mother appears to be a passive, useless woman, who’s obsessed with exotic dudes (admit it, we all are, at least at some point… if London counts as exotic). The father is an idiot who’s obsessed with sports, but he’s still the “head” of the household.

Tisk tisk Pixar. Tisk tisk.

anigif_enhanced-24264-1414855178-24

At least the little characters are cute. And that’s the justification for me going to see this movie.