Emmys! Emmys!

As you guys probably know, the Emmys were on TV yesterday. Unfortunately, I did not realize this so I procrastinated all my HW until 6:00pm, effectively being unable to watch while CNN kept informing me that OMG LOOK WHO WON AAAHHH. You know, instead of reporting on important things like Donald Trump.

(I’m being sarcastic.)

Also, I didn’t really care about the Emmys. You might be like: OMG how can you not care about the Emmys. WELL I don’t have a good answer. It’s probably because my favorite TV shows never show up on the Emmys (with the exceptions of Sherlock, Parks and Recreation, and Game of Thrones). However, since I run this type of entertainment blog, I feel morally obligated to tell you about my opinions on the Emmys. There aren’t many because I literally have no idea what happened.

1) I can’t get over how Daredevil was snubbed from the Emmys. I mean, sure, it’s only been around for a year. But once upon a time Jane the Virgin was out for a year and it got nominated and WON an Emmy. Maybe several? I don’t quite remember. Anyways, Daredevil deserved to get nominated.

2) Parks and Rec DESERVED that Best Comedy award. I have not seen Veep, but PARKS AND REC DESERVED THAT BEST COMEDY AWARD. Again, review coming sometime soon.

3) Emilia Clarke (aka Daenerys Targaryen aka QUEEN) is not a supporting actress. She WILL CLAIM THE IRON THRONE AND DESTROY ALL SEXISM FOREVER. And Peter Dinklage (aka Tyrion I-Always-Pay-My-Debts Lannister) is not a supporting actor (although yay for the Emmy). Because if they’re supporting actors, then who’s the main character of Game of Thrones? Jon Snow? Arya? Sansa? Stannis? … CERSEI?

4) YAY FOR GAME OF THRONES! I knew it would win. There is some justice is the world (when we make it). There just isn’t anything that comes close to this show. The show EMBODIES entertainment; that is to say, at its core it’s literally just war, sex, and politics.

And that’s all that I know of that happened at the Emmys. Overall… I have no idea what happened. So I don’t have an opinion of the show. I hope you guys enjoyed it though! You can comment your favorite part of the show if you’d like.

See ya!

Dear Academy…

Dear Academy (or as you like to pretentiously call yourselves, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences),

As I was completely appalled by your choice to let Birdman win above Boyhood, I simply have too much anger to write a legitimate post summarizing the Oscars.

I was especially astonished when the announcer said that Birdman somehow “touched” the hearts of so many people, when we all know that Birdman only really connected with the small fraction of people who are actors and actresses, while Boyhood basically chronicles everyone’s life in one way or another.

Furthermore, I’m absolutely astounded that the Academy would allow an incredibly heartfelt movie made over 12 dedicated years to go unrewarded.

Don’t think it’s just me. Just google Oscars and read a bunch of reviews that are very passive aggressive. Or read this article, where it turns out most people actually wanted Boyhood to win: http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-31584655

And now because I’m too angry to write anything else I’ll sum up the rest of my feelings with a bunch of gifs.

Sincerely,

Everyone who’s not an actor or an actress

The 87th Annual Movie Games

*insert epic music here: I would recommend Olympic Fanfare and Theme by John Williams*

WELCOME TO THE 87TH ANNUAL MOVIE GAMES WITH YOUR HOST, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. IT IS THE AWARD CEREMONY EVERY YEAR THAT LEAVES A SMALL FRACTION OF PEOPLE HAPPY AND THE MAJORITY OF ACTORS CRYING THEMSELVES TO SLEEP.

The movies nominated this year for best picture (which I have watched… most of them all the way through… some of them carefully…) are, in alphabetical order, American Sniper, Birdman, Boyhood, The Grand Budapest Hotel, The Imitation Game, Selma, The Theory of Everything, and Whiplash.

We already pretty much know that either Boyhood or Birdman will win. And that’s all that’s possible.

NEVERTHELESS, I have gone through all this trouble to watch the movies so now read my totally accurate and non biased reviews (hahaha what a joke).

American Sniper

Grade: B-/C+

I’m not 100% sure what this movie was supposed to accomplish. If this movie was supposed to make me realize the corruption of America, then it totally succeeded. If it was supposed to make me feel patriotic, then it totally failed. If anything I want to move out of America now.

This movie portrays America as everyone sees it: basically, guns, and violence. Also cowboys. And western accents. And sexism. And ignorance (the main character literally doesn’t know what a Quran is). And racism. And stupidity.

I’ll be honest I didn’t actually finish this movie because I got too bored. Oops.

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Grade: B-

^this gif accurately describes my experience of watching Birdman. I had absolutely no idea what was going on in the whole movie.

Birdman chronicles a tale about a once-successful actor who’s trying to make it big in Broadway. He has a junkie daughter and he hires a bunch of mentally unstable actors who all have different problems. However, the main character has the biggest issues, as plainly obvious because half the movie is hallucinations. Or legit stuff. It’s very ambiguous.

Anyways, I think I’ve made it pretty obvious that I didn’t enjoy the film. I mean, first of all, I didn’t realize that it was a comedy (I didn’t laugh one bit by the way). Also I didn’t know what the hell was happening in the film.

The film had its cool parts though. The entire film was meant to look like a one take (which kind of messed around with my head).

However, it’s a dark comedy. And I’m not an adult. So I don’t know. Maybe older people will connect with the characters.

Boyhood

Grade: A++++++

Y’all know my opinions about this film (if you’ve stuck around long enough). If you’re new, here’s my review: https://geekxcritique.wordpress.com/2015/01/31/boyhood-best-movie-1110/

It better win. Or else.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

Grade: A-

This movie was actually pretty good (I mean I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because it’s a comedy). It has an outset of a pretty innocent and sweet little movie, which kind of makes all the violence in the movie seem happy-go-lucky.

The Grand Budapest Hotel tells the story of a girl who’s reading a story about a guy who listens to another person’s story about how he came to acquire the Grand Budapest Hotel.

The girl doesn’t matter. The guy doesn’t matter. However, the dude telling the story does matter. He was once the lobby boy at the Grand Budapest Hotel. However, the story really surrounds this guy named Mr. Gustave, whose position in the Grand Budapest Hotel frankly confuses me.

Anyways, the movie is quite beautiful and gives off a vibe of happiness and innocence (which, by the way, is basically just a façade). The color scheme kind of reminds me of the brilliantly colored houses of San Francisco. And the entire façade thing reminds me of Mary Watson (haha get it?)

The Imitation Game

Grade: A+/A

Again. Already reviewed it. Done. Here’s that review btw: https://geekxcritique.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/the-imitation-game-behind-every-code-is-an-enigma/

Selma

Grade: A+

^the image above is not a gif bc I couldn’t find a gif BECAUSE THIS MOVIE ISN’T POPULAR ENOUGH GAAAAAAH

Anyways, finally, a film about Martin Luther King that should’ve been made ages ago. And it was great. Martin Luther King was portrayed as an actual human being. Not perfect. Not completely awful. Just a normal man with a purpose and far more eloquence than most people can hope to accomplish in their lifetimes.

In addition, Selma didn’t hold back on the violence at all; every moment was raw and represented racism as it was and as it is: deep-rooted, brutal, and forgiving.

If Boyhood doesn’t win (which won’t happen or else), Selma must win. In the here and the now, we’re finally having a sort of “rebirth” in the civil rights movement. The fight for racial equality died down somewhat, escaping the news and all. We think we’ve moved on so much from the past. But have we really?

(this next bit contains a few spoilers)

The film portrays policemen not indicted for their brutality and killings. It portrays the injustice of having an all-white jury

Sound familiar? (Hint: Ferguson)

Yeah. Just ask yourself: have we really moved on?

The Theory of Everything

Grade: A/A-

The Theory of Everything is probably one of the most beautiful movies that you’ll ever see. You have no idea how many beautiful gifs I wanted to use. In the end I chose these two.

The movie was aesthetically astounding. The sounds and screen really came together quite beautifully. Although, as you guys probably know, I really think that Interstellar’s soundtrack should definitely edge out the Theory of Everything’s soundtrack, there’s no denying that the Theory of Everything soundtrack fit the movie well.

The film also displayed quite a few motifs: the circle motif was probably my favorite. Coffee, spinning, black holes, fireworks, clocks: even the soundtrack had a sort of circle motif in it.

Besides gorgeousness of the movie, you’ll be astounded by the bravery that both Stephen Hawking and his wife displayed.

Also, there’s a Doctor Who reference in the movie that almost made me jump right out of my seat. Watch out for it.

Whiplash

Grade: A-/B+

Be prepared to experience Miles Teller, your favorite Peter from the Divergent series, finally getting a taste of his own medicine as JK Simmons, his super crazy drum teacher, totally abuses him. You’ll be on the edge of your seat as you contemplate how anyone is able to get away with this kind of stuff, especially in a school.

Whiplash tells the story of Andrew Neiman, a talented drummer who is really desperate to get the respect of his psychopathic teacher, Terrence Fletcher. Andrew eventually gets really good. The end.

In terms of life lessons, this film really taught me never to be a drummer because that profession will most certainly ruin your life. (Next bit contains spoilers) It will tear you apart from your girlfriend. It will give you permanent scars on your hands. Your family will not care at all. You’ll get hit by a car and almost die.

Anyways, as the Oscars are rapidly approaching (aka in less than 3 hours), I’ll finish my review here.

Just one last note to the Academy:

If Boyhood doesn’t win,

The 72nd Annual Oscar Spoilers Winners: The Movies

Welcome to the 72nd annual spoilers for the upcoming Oscars, where we will be giving the 2nd most valuable award to the people who created the best movies and TV shows of the year.

I know, I know, I should probably be talking about the 2015 Oscar nominees, but as I am late to everything I’ve decided to save the Oscar review until the week of Oscar Sunday.

Besides, there have been enough comments about how all the actors and actresses nominated for an academy are white (I’m not kidding – they’re not even tan).

But back to the Golden Globes

Unfortunately, as my scope of TV extends only to the perimeter of the fandom-related world, I cannot comment too much about the TV section of the Golden Globes (except that I’m mainly disappointed that Sherlock didn’t get nominated for anything).

It took me a very long time to write this review mostly because I was pissed off by all the awards I felt belonged to different people. However, I’ll try to be as impartial as I can be when I review the winners.

If you don’t agree with me well

Just kidding. Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. Or judge me all you want idrc.

Let’s begin.

Best Foreign Language Film: Leviathan, a Russian movie. Unfortunately, I generally don’t watch foreign language films, so I have no idea what Leviathan is about. It is loosely based off of some biblical stories.

Best Animated Feature Film: How To Train Your Dragon 2. After How To Train Your Dragon was wrongfully robbed of its Oscar (but, I mean, I’m biased, because Toy Story 3, which beat HTTYD, was pretty much the greatest animated film of all time I suppose…), I expected Big Hero 6 to win. I mean, Big Hero 6 is legitimately a very good movie, but HTTYD 2 won this time.

Best Original Song: Glory, by John Legend and Common for the movie Selma. It was a very nice song, but it doesn’t really suit my taste of music. However, the song somewhat captures the courage of Martin Luther King Jr. Hopefully the movie will as well.

Best Original Score: Jóhann Jóhannsson’s score for the Theory of Everything. In my opinion, this was a complete robbery from the genius that is Hans Zimmer’s score for Interstellar. However, I said I would be impartial, so here’s my try. Hans Zimmer’s score creates awe and raw feeling within the listener. It captures the true essence of the movie: the high and low registers of the theme, along with the background music, displays the truly infinite expanse of space and the almost overwhelming feeling you get. On the other hand, the Theory of Everything’s score also captures the movie in a different way. The beginning of the soundtrack displays a sort of naiveté and mysteriousness that surrounds Hawking’s early life. Then, later on, the music becomes smoother and more complex, still with hints of innocence, but less so than in the beginning. The simple theme in the beginning transforms from a piano into an orchestra. In addition, the repetition of the music truly captures how dragging the movie was. Well, I tried to be impartial.

*casually starts listening to the Interstellar soundtrack*

I’d still recommend the Theory of Everything if anyone still cares.

Best Screenplay: Alejandro González Iñárritu’s screenplay for Birdman, It’s a movie about an actor whose career was once successful, but is now stagnant. I have not watched Birdman, but I hear that there’s a lot of uncertainness about what is reality in the movie, so I’m sure it’s worth a watch. Also Emma Stone is in it so…

Best Director: I swore to God if Boyhood didn’t win Best Director I would stop watching award shows. Thankfully, Boyhood won, because who in their right mind would take an award away from a dude who literally spent the past 12 years faithfully directing a movie. I mean, if I’m being honest with myself, Boyhood should just win everything it’s nominated for since there has not been a movie in the past that has ever been like this one. All the Oscars for you Boyhood. You go Boyhood.

Best Supporting Actress: Patricia Arquette in Boyhood. All I can say is thank you for awarding this woman for her past 12 years of dedication.

Best Supporting Actor: J.K. Simmons in Whiplash. Apparently Simmons does a fantastic job portraying a complete madman who emotionally abuses all his students, but at the same can turn himself into a sweet, caring, lovely human being on will. Sounds suspiciously like when your parent is yelling at you and then your friend comes over.

Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy: Amy Adams in Big Eyes. Amy Adams’ talent itself is probably enough to secure a nomination, and ultimately a win. Amy Adams plays an artist with a good-for-nothing-shit-piece-of husband who decides to steal all her artwork and put it under her name because, obviously, no one’s going to take a woman seriously. This movie once again proves that men are backstabbing liars, and for this reason 1) I will not be watching this movie because I’ll get too pissed off at the husband and 2) I will not get married.

Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy: Michael Keaton in Birdman. Again I’m assuming that playing a semi-crazy / hallucinating person isn’t really easy, so I guess this Golden Globe is well deserved.

Best Actress in a Drama: Julianne Moore in Still Alice. Julianne Moore plays a woman who’s suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, once again proving that if you play a person suffering from disease, you are destined to win an award. And I’m not saying that because I’m annoyed: characters with diseases are generally more difficult to play.

Best Actor in a Drama: Eddie Redmayne in the Theory of Everything. Another example of a character with a disease… except in this case I didn’t think the win was deserved. This is another source of anger for me, as I wanted the amazing Benedict Cumberbatch to win. Of course, I’m probably biased because I love Benedict Cumberbatch too much. However, to all those people out there who claim Redmayne won due to a more complex character, do you really think that portraying an awkward genius who was struggling to keep his sexuality a secret is less complex? In addition, there’s the complexity of the exhilaration of cracking enigma, followed by the immediate weight of having everyone’s lives on your hands, followed by a complete emotional demise due to estrogen injections – just stop fooling yourself. If I were to compare Redmayne and Cumberbatch slightly more impartially (with difficulty), I would’ve chosen Cumberbatch because he actually has to struggle through the entire movie with incorporating his speech and movement into his acting, whereas Redmayne basically gets to stay silent for half the movie.

Best Musical or Comedy: The Grand Budapest Hotel. I’m just relieved that Into the Woods didn’t win because the more I think about it, the more that I get annoyed that I actually paid money to see it. However, due to the fact that The Grand Budapest Hotel is a comedy, I probably won’t go see it.

Best Drama (aka what will probably win the Oscars): Boyhood. Well, thank God. I wanted the Imitation Game to win, but at least what won was a movie that I wholeheartedly believe deserved that honor.

In the end, the Imitation Game and Interstellar both won nothing (ugh).

Congrats to Theory of Everything got two very undeserved Oscars… I mean Golden Globes… but like they’ll probably win the Oscars too. Very big congrats to everyone involved in Boyhood for those 12 long years in Azkaban… I mean Hollywood (same thing). Congrats to all the actors and actresses who sold their souls to the criticism of persons such as me. Congrats to all those writers and directors and songwriters and such who decided to play a role behind the screen so that the scrutiny wouldn’t fall as directly on (unless you are M. Night Shyamalan).

Oscars here we come!