*insert epic music here: I would recommend Olympic Fanfare and Theme by John Williams*
WELCOME TO THE 87TH ANNUAL MOVIE GAMES WITH YOUR HOST, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. IT IS THE AWARD CEREMONY EVERY YEAR THAT LEAVES A SMALL FRACTION OF PEOPLE HAPPY AND THE MAJORITY OF ACTORS CRYING THEMSELVES TO SLEEP.
The movies nominated this year for best picture (which I have watched… most of them all the way through… some of them carefully…) are, in alphabetical order, American Sniper, Birdman, Boyhood, The Grand Budapest Hotel, The Imitation Game, Selma, The Theory of Everything, and Whiplash.
We already pretty much know that either Boyhood or Birdman will win. And that’s all that’s possible.
NEVERTHELESS, I have gone through all this trouble to watch the movies so now read my totally accurate and non biased reviews (hahaha what a joke).
I’m not 100% sure what this movie was supposed to accomplish. If this movie was supposed to make me realize the corruption of America, then it totally succeeded. If it was supposed to make me feel patriotic, then it totally failed. If anything I want to move out of America now.
This movie portrays America as everyone sees it: basically, guns, and violence. Also cowboys. And western accents. And sexism. And ignorance (the main character literally doesn’t know what a Quran is). And racism. And stupidity.
I’ll be honest I didn’t actually finish this movie because I got too bored. Oops.
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
^this gif accurately describes my experience of watching Birdman. I had absolutely no idea what was going on in the whole movie.
Birdman chronicles a tale about a once-successful actor who’s trying to make it big in Broadway. He has a junkie daughter and he hires a bunch of mentally unstable actors who all have different problems. However, the main character has the biggest issues, as plainly obvious because half the movie is hallucinations. Or legit stuff. It’s very ambiguous.
Anyways, I think I’ve made it pretty obvious that I didn’t enjoy the film. I mean, first of all, I didn’t realize that it was a comedy (I didn’t laugh one bit by the way). Also I didn’t know what the hell was happening in the film.
The film had its cool parts though. The entire film was meant to look like a one take (which kind of messed around with my head).
However, it’s a dark comedy. And I’m not an adult. So I don’t know. Maybe older people will connect with the characters.
Y’all know my opinions about this film (if you’ve stuck around long enough). If you’re new, here’s my review: https://geekxcritique.wordpress.com/2015/01/31/boyhood-best-movie-1110/
It better win. Or else.
The Grand Budapest Hotel
This movie was actually pretty good (I mean I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because it’s a comedy). It has an outset of a pretty innocent and sweet little movie, which kind of makes all the violence in the movie seem happy-go-lucky.
The Grand Budapest Hotel tells the story of a girl who’s reading a story about a guy who listens to another person’s story about how he came to acquire the Grand Budapest Hotel.
The girl doesn’t matter. The guy doesn’t matter. However, the dude telling the story does matter. He was once the lobby boy at the Grand Budapest Hotel. However, the story really surrounds this guy named Mr. Gustave, whose position in the Grand Budapest Hotel frankly confuses me.
Anyways, the movie is quite beautiful and gives off a vibe of happiness and innocence (which, by the way, is basically just a façade). The color scheme kind of reminds me of the brilliantly colored houses of San Francisco. And the entire façade thing reminds me of Mary Watson (haha get it?)
The Imitation Game
Again. Already reviewed it. Done. Here’s that review btw: https://geekxcritique.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/the-imitation-game-behind-every-code-is-an-enigma/
^the image above is not a gif bc I couldn’t find a gif BECAUSE THIS MOVIE ISN’T POPULAR ENOUGH GAAAAAAH
Anyways, finally, a film about Martin Luther King that should’ve been made ages ago. And it was great. Martin Luther King was portrayed as an actual human being. Not perfect. Not completely awful. Just a normal man with a purpose and far more eloquence than most people can hope to accomplish in their lifetimes.
In addition, Selma didn’t hold back on the violence at all; every moment was raw and represented racism as it was and as it is: deep-rooted, brutal, and forgiving.
If Boyhood doesn’t win (which won’t happen or else), Selma must win. In the here and the now, we’re finally having a sort of “rebirth” in the civil rights movement. The fight for racial equality died down somewhat, escaping the news and all. We think we’ve moved on so much from the past. But have we really?
(this next bit contains a few spoilers)
The film portrays policemen not indicted for their brutality and killings. It portrays the injustice of having an all-white jury
Sound familiar? (Hint: Ferguson)
Yeah. Just ask yourself: have we really moved on?
The Theory of Everything
The Theory of Everything is probably one of the most beautiful movies that you’ll ever see. You have no idea how many beautiful gifs I wanted to use. In the end I chose these two.
The movie was aesthetically astounding. The sounds and screen really came together quite beautifully. Although, as you guys probably know, I really think that Interstellar’s soundtrack should definitely edge out the Theory of Everything’s soundtrack, there’s no denying that the Theory of Everything soundtrack fit the movie well.
The film also displayed quite a few motifs: the circle motif was probably my favorite. Coffee, spinning, black holes, fireworks, clocks: even the soundtrack had a sort of circle motif in it.
Besides gorgeousness of the movie, you’ll be astounded by the bravery that both Stephen Hawking and his wife displayed.
Also, there’s a Doctor Who reference in the movie that almost made me jump right out of my seat. Watch out for it.
Be prepared to experience Miles Teller, your favorite Peter from the Divergent series, finally getting a taste of his own medicine as JK Simmons, his super crazy drum teacher, totally abuses him. You’ll be on the edge of your seat as you contemplate how anyone is able to get away with this kind of stuff, especially in a school.
Whiplash tells the story of Andrew Neiman, a talented drummer who is really desperate to get the respect of his psychopathic teacher, Terrence Fletcher. Andrew eventually gets really good. The end.
In terms of life lessons, this film really taught me never to be a drummer because that profession will most certainly ruin your life. (Next bit contains spoilers) It will tear you apart from your girlfriend. It will give you permanent scars on your hands. Your family will not care at all. You’ll get hit by a car and almost die.
Anyways, as the Oscars are rapidly approaching (aka in less than 3 hours), I’ll finish my review here.
Just one last note to the Academy:
If Boyhood doesn’t win,