This post contains spoilers… duh.
It’s no secret that I’m an action movie junkie (it’s a family thing). It’s also no secret that I absolutely loved the Lord of the Rings (also a family thing). And now, director Peter Jackson does it again, creating movies with multiple different endings and fantastic green screens.
After the enemy of the last movie dies within the first 10 minutes (seriously even before the title shows), leading you to think that the last movie was completely unnecessary, be prepared for 2 and a half hours of Peter Jackson patented plot, with characters that weren’t supposed to be in the book and characters that were supposed to be dead and characters that don’t even exist. It will leave you wondering: did I read the book wrong?
Also, be warned about the awkward aging of characters since the last series, including Elrond getting his wrinkles on and Legolas having his face bloated and his jawline becoming square. Watch as the makeup artists desperately attempt to remove the wrinkles that have developed because of 10 years of Lord of the Rings deprivation. Stare at the screen as you wonder, “How long was it really since the last Lord of the Rings movie?”
And at that point you realize that the last Lord of the Rings movie (Return of the King) came out in 2003. Feel old yet?
And of course get ready for the references to the Lord of the Rings series, which Peter Jackson puts in just to make you watch the Lord of the Rings series again so that he can become more stinking rich (as if he isn’t already).
Cringe as you watch forced romantic scenes between an elf and a dwarf. Feel awkward as you start to ship a dwarf and a hobbit. Watch an awkward love triangle begin to blossom. Wince as the movie stretches the limits of “cheesy,” with the forced romances. And then realize that none of this romance was meant to happen in the first place, and that the awkwardness only happened because Peter Jackson stretched his creative license to the limit.
Then, find out random places in middle earth that will leave you wondering, “Why aren’t these places in the Lord of the Rings, when they seem to be totally relevant to everything that’s happening?”
Finally, get confused as you try to figure out what exactly the “five armies” are. Orcs? Goblins? Eagles? Wizards? Shape-shifters? Men? Elves? Dwarves? One hobbit? Actually, what the hell are these creatures? Where do they come from?
And then you start thinking that the battle would’ve been much more interesting had the freaking dragon not died in the first 10 minutes.
However, despite all these complaints, the movie series is still action-packed with multiple incredible fighting scenes. Also New Zealand’s finest green screens never fail to deliver. Overall, it’s quite an enjoyable movie granted that you don’t think too much.